If you are recalling things from the past, be careful. There is a reason you aren’t there anymore. As good and fun as it may have been, it can never be the same and the end result could be disastrous.  This is my story….

REFLECTIONS IN THE BECKONING POOLHavasu-Falls-Arizona12

I really wanted to go down that mountain side to take a dip in the clear, sparkling, refreshing pool. You could see the white sand through the beautiful turquoise water. I used to go there often and it was the most refreshing inspiring place to be that you could ever imagine. It was there that I learned how deep and inseparable was the love of God and that I was safe because He would never leave me or forsake me.

It had been some 30 years since I had been there and I had not planned the trip but when it was offered, of course I couldn’t say no! I had thought of this place many times over the years and reflected on the overwhelming feeling of peace that I would get when I was there. It was that welling up and overflowing feeling that you get when you first fall in love and can’t find the words to express it. Sometimes all you can do is cry out of sheer joy yet it is almost painful because it is so intense.

You can imagine my excitement when I finally got to the ridge of the mountain range and looked down the cliff. Many things had changed in the course of that 30 years but the essence remained the same. The glistening sand was still there as was the brilliant colors of the clear water, so atypical from the ponds and lakes of weeds and sludge I’d been accustomed to. The crashing of the water falls into the pool overshadowed all other sounds and it beckoned me to climb down the slippery rocky slope and be immersed.

But the cliff had changed. The steps that were once so nicely carved into the rocky hillside had eroded over the years by rain and wind and much travel and it was now more like a granite slippery slide that would be great fun if it would have left me in the refreshing pool. This one, however, ended on a pile of sharp rocks that would undoubtedly do bodily harm should I fall.

Yet the memories of the past and the feelings of elation I so often experienced called me to take the risk and trust that I would make it without too much injury. The first try down was a mix of fear in going down the face of the cliff and then overwhelming excitement once I reached the bottom. The water was initially colder than I remembered and the terrain was different but familiar enough to sweep over me like a flood. I was caught off guard by the sadness and even anger I felt as I looked at this place and was reminded of all the years that had gone by without being able to feel that closeness to God that I always felt here. But I have learned not to linger in anger too long so I moved on to rejoice that I was here again. How long I was going to get to stay was unsure but all I knew is that I was going to take advantage of being in this place for as long as I could.

So I visited every day. Sometimes, a couple of times. Sometimes I would stay for hours, even well into the night because it was the place where my heart overflowed and spilled into the pool of grace and love. Grace….certainly an extra portion was poured out on me as I had so many close calls and could have fallen headlong into the rocks and could have even died. I think about how that would have changed so many lives because God has placed me in positions where I have been a bridge, like we all our, for others who need to know His love. At some point, I knew that I had to go back home if I was going to do what God had called me to do but I didn’t want to.

Then it finally happened. It started out sunny and nice. Beautiful sunrise and no clouds in the sky but by the time I got to the side of the cliff the ominous billowing storm clouds were rolling in. I thought I would just quick go take a dip before the rain came but it was too late. Just as I started to rush down the cliff the rain came and turned the granite rock into a sheet of glass that sent me soaring to the bottom of the cliff. I lay there stunned. If only I could get to the pool I thought, surely I would be healed and all would be well. But something was broken and it hurt too much too move. I laid there as the rain turned to hail and pummeled me until I was black and blue. I don’t know how long I was there but it seemed like weeks but then our perception of things isn’t always real when we are hurting.

Suddenly I felt a rush of cool water pouring over me. The pain subsided and there was peace. I opened my eyes and found myself in the arms of Jesus under the water falls that came from beyond the cliffs where I first stood, longing, praying, remembering. I realized that the place where I was 30 years ago that I had wanted so desperately to go back to was indeed a beautiful wonderful, magnificent place, created by the love and grace of God to bring peace and healing to my wounded-ness. But this place was different now. I had new experiences that created new memories that created new feelings that I had to feel in order to return home renewed and healed. I would now remember being in the arms of Jesus in this pool as he mended the wounds that I had done to myself as I ran on ahead in careless desperation.

So I am home now. I have new memories. I have pictures. I have the wonders of technology to transport me to my virtual pool of serenity on occasion that I might bask in the knowing that nothing can ever take away the reality of what was, what is and what will always be in the recesses of my heart and mind….I am loved. I’ve been forgiven. I’ve been healed and I can move on to a new tomorrow in his presence.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IS THIS:

  • Memories from the past are just that…in the past. You cannot recreate them

  • In our impulsive demands for immediate gratification we often make choices that have negative consequences and long term effects that can cause us a great deal of hurt or even death for ourselves and others

  • We can let go of what we thought was going to be and accept what is

  • We can choose to do the right thing even when we don’t feel like it

  • We can forgive ourselves for falling off the cliff and getting hurt

  • We can let God touch us and bring healing to those wounds

  • We can rejoice in the file of memories and the multitude of things that have changed us because of them

  • We can smile when we see the reflection of the sun rising and setting off a pool of sparkling water and know that it is there but for a moment and will never ever again be the same

  • We can let go and let God