HOPE for Recovery Course

STEP 9- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

 After completing Step 8 —made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all—the next logical step is to make those amends if possible, and the suggestion is to do so directly to those who have been harmed. This can be a real challenge but if you have worked all the previous steps fervently you will be ready for this next step. 

One thing that many people struggle with is the “whenever possible” part and the “except when to do so would injure them or others.”  How do you know what is possible and how do you discern when it would injure them or others? It is also really hard when the person you need to make amends to is a jerk and did stuff to you first. 

You may feel they don’t deserve to be forgiven or certainly  you don’t need to apologize because you wouldn’t have done what you did if they wouldn’t have been a jerk. Sorry, can’t use that excuse. This is about you and your behavior and what you chose to do. If you are going to excuse your behavior then you need to excuse theirs because undoubtedly they had a reason for being a jerk in the first place. Whether you agree with it is besides the point 

Clearly this process will take some time and lots of patience. Get your notebook and continue this process for as long as it takes. Pray before and after and let God free you from all the negative things you have experienced through it. Let’s get started

To start with just list some times you can think of when it isn’t possible to make amends. 
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You may have put down that you don’t know where they are. Have you looked for them? Are they on facebook, or linkedin, or twitter or some other social media place? How hard have you really tried to find them?  Write down what you can do to locate or address those you want to make amends to. 

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List some examples of when trying to make amends would harm someone else. 
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Who would be the first person you would want to make amends to? Write down what you would say and when you would do it. 
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How do you think they will respond? What would they say?
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What if they don't accept your amends? What will you be feeling and thinking and what will you do about it.
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Once you have made your amends no matter what their response is will you be able to let it go? Right down what letting it go entails for you. 

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Is there anyone that has passed away or that you cannot find that you need to make amends to? It is hard when there is unfinished business so here is something that has helped many people. Write out what you would say to them. 

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Another thing that can be very helpful iss to take an empty chair and pretend that they are sitting right there with them. Tell them what you would tell them if you were there in person or write what you have written. After you have written it out, literally switch chairs and imagine that you are that person and you just heard this heartfelt apology. What would you say? Would you choose to forgive? Since you don’t know how they would respond why not have it be what you would like them to say to you.  When they finish then switch places again and and you decided how you will respond to them. Will you let it go? Will you stop wondering what they are thinking and feeling? Will you be free from the guilt and all the other negative feelings ? Write your thoughts
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