Have I Failed?

As I sit here in the wee hours of the morning, I find myself in a battle of wills over, asking myself “Have I failed?”  One part of me knows full well that I have been uniquely and wonderfully crafted with special gifts, talents, abilities and experiences to bring hope to the world and to share the promise that God has a plan for us.  I know that if we give ourselves to Him He will bring good of our lives and will prosper us and give us an abundant life (John 10:10.) But the other part of me is discouraged and fearful.  I feel frustrated and angry because I am not “there” yet. I feel like Paul in Romans 7:15 when he says “¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate is what I do.

Focus and Failure

I know that to succeed you must focus. You need to lay out your plan and then not let anything get you off track. I can visualize it, I can teach it, I can inspire others to do it but I just can’t seem to do it myself. It really frustrates me because I know that time is short and there are a lot of people out there that need what I have to offer, and I know it is what I am created to do…to help the multitudes but then why can’t I stay focused and do it??

I am watching the neighbors pack up their car, probably heading North for the weekend to enjoy the beauty of the Wisconsin Lakes and Rivers. Yep…there’s the kayak going on the top of the car. And the fishing gear and the coolers are going in the trunk. I find myself feeling a bit jealous that I am here trying to figure out what I can do TODAY to pay the bills that are beckoning to be paid instead of packing to go have a no-brainer relaxing weekend. Of course, I want to be doing what I want instead of worrying about what to do next to help my family.

Yes, I have failed.

I have been working at my “get rich quick – online plan” for a year now and I have given away almost all of the 250 “Ditzy Blonde Faucet-It’s a God Thing” books I wrote in 2013. I thought I was going to make $2500. Or at least recoup the $800+ I had to spend on purchasing them.

I have spent hundreds of hours recording and editing inspirational videos and audios to help others in their journey to financial independence and peace in life. Thousands of dollars have been spent on other coaches to teach me to do what they have done to make the millions of dollars.  Money I didn’t really have, they make every year. So, why aren’t I making at least tens of thousands of dollars that I was so sure I would be making by now?

I have also succeeded

I have helped many people get their products and services out there, build their email lists and get paying clients. At the time they didn’t have any money to pay me, and I just trusted it would come back to me some day, so I didn’t charge them. I have helped several homeless people get their disability benefits, get food on the table and stay out of jails, hospitals and institutions but they too were homeless and didn’t have any money and at least I had a place to live so I gave, as God showed us to.

I have been blessed to have had time to care for my grandchildren when their parents had to work. I’ve even been able to house one of my stepchildren and his family for the last year to help them get on their feet.

HOPE

I have been able to take my husband to the hospital countless times and be with him while they eliminated his bowel obstructions, obliterated some of the 510 kidney stones he has had, calmed his throbbing migraines, or restored his injured shoulder. I have had the opportunity to help my church with fundraisers, vacation Bible School, worship music and starting new community support groups and I have been able to keep my house a bit cleaner, live a healthier lifestyle and attend more networking groups.

All of these successes have given both me and others HOPE. If you don’t know HOPE is my acronym for Help, Opportunity, Praise, and Encouragements. It is not up to me to determine what God’s plan is for me as I look back at this review it sure seems like God has been at work in this “Faucet of HOPE” who has made every effort to reach out to a lost and hurting world.

Have I failed in this last year?

Have I not done what I “should have” done? Who am I to question whether the people God used me to help in this last year were not the multitudes that He was choosing for me to help? Who am I to say this last year was a failure because I haven’t made enough money to buy more stuff that we don’t need and go out to eat more food that isn’t good for us? Who am I to determine how much “stuff” I need? It’s not up to me if and when I am supposed to be going out to indulge myself in the things I want.

God’s plan for us is to “seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly with our God” Micah 6:8. Proverbs 3:5-6 says I am to “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto my own understanding. In all ways, acknowledge him, and he shall direct my paths. Phillipians 4:6-7 says ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your (and my) hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Worry around Failure is not what God wanted for us

The Bible doesn’t say to worry day and night and work 20 hours a day and walk in fear and jealousy and want. Despite Paul’s struggle with doing the “right thing” he has learned what I seem to be struggling with because right after he talked about not having any anxiety about anything he said “11 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in. 12 I know how to get along with humble means, and also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. 13 I can do all things through Him “Christ Jesus, who strengthens me.”

As I share my struggle with whoever is out there that will someday be “my tribe” “my ideal customer, or client” my “team” (or if I am doing as Jesus said to do and I am making “disciples of all nations”) I am called to trust that I am doing what I need to do today by sharing this.

With faith I cannot fail

This will someday be part of my “legacy” because I am leaving you ME and what I have learned in this life that may be able to help you in your journey to be what you were created to be and do and not beat yourself up for following the heart God has given you! You are good enough just spend time with Him every day and seek His will…God speak to me, I am listening, have a good day and be at peace God is God and he will help you as you as He promised.

This is Linda Larson Schlitz of Faucet of HOPE and Author of Speak to me God I am listening!  Please sign up to get 30 Days of Meditations sent to your inbox HERE 

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