Have you watched the news lately? Do you think if your doctor was sitting there taking your blood pressure and your heart rate while you watched it you would stay calm and peaceful? I didn’t think so. Why?Because our human nature reacts to what we can’t control because we are afraid we aren’t going to get our way.

I have been counseling people for over 35 years and when I think of what they struggle with, it always seems to come back to expectations that they had of themselves or someone else that weren’t met or the fear of what will happen if their future expectations don’t happen.

Somewhere along the line, we are taught that it’s reasonable to expect people to follow the golden rule and do to others what you would want them to do to you, but you see, there’s a problem with that. 

Tell me honestly now, haven’t you gotten upset because somebody is being rude and insensitive and disrespectful and yet your reaction is being rude insensitive and disrespectful back to them, even if it is not to their face? You are reacting to unmet expectations.

Maybe nothing has actually happened to us but we are afraid it will someday. Perhaps they are just spouting it off in public for attention, or they are planning something that hasn’t actually and probably won’t happen,  yet we get all wound up about it. We complain to others we call them names. We judge them and we get angry.

How’s that working for you? Where is your peace? Where is your sense of calm and joy? I have learned that if I am going to put someone else in control of my mental and emotional well-being then I can’t whine because I am stressed out because I expected someone to do what I want them to do, when I want them to do it. 

This attitude is what drives people to drink, emotionally eat, get angry, have high blood pressure, heart, problems, strokes, intestinal disorders, and many other things because our thoughts are connected to our feelings and our feelings, cause our behaviors and our behaviors either kill us or help us to thrive.  We decide, not them.

So I have a few solutions that I have shared on this video but a whole bunch more that I’m sharing on a webinar and a retreat that I will be repeating occasionally so keep an eye out for dates and times if you want to stop being all wound up about people that annoy you!

Here is a helpful recap and the highlights of this video. I share my story on here and what has helped me to change my expectations. In the video I have added some really helpful Bible verses that keep me grounded in the video so I would grab a notebook to write them down.  Here are some of the things I talk about.

1. The Expectation Trap: We all fall into expecting the impossible, like me expecting my teenager to remember to do chores… ever.
2. Society’s Setups: Society says we should get a cake on our birthday and flowers on Valentine’s Day. If only memory served as well as cake!
3. Manage Your Inner Control Freak: If you’re relying on others to stay emotionally stable, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. After all, I can’t even control my memory, let alone my spouse, as he’s not a mind reader.
4. Serenity Now! Remember, high expectations = low serenity. It’s like expecting a cat to fetch.
5. Talk It Out: Communication is key—so go ahead and ask for that gargantuan salad you fancy! (I promise it’s worth it!)
6. God as the Ultimate Planner: Trust in His plan—even when it rains on your wedding day.
7. From Anger to Love: Turn that frustration into a warm hug or a thank-you note. Remember, love keeps no record of wrongs—like forgetting you backed into the garage, twice.
8. Forgiveness is Your Friend: It’s more for your sanity than theirs. If grudges were calories, we’d all be overweight!
9. Seek Peace, Not Perfection: Living with unmet expectations is easier when you leave your anxieties in God’s capable hands.
10. Humor and Faith: Sometimes, you just have to laugh it off—imagine having a bobblehead version of me reminding you, “Let it go!”       

If you have found this helpful please sign up for my webinar and my upcoming retreat on dealing with unmet expectations.

May peace, love, and laughter be with you today!